Monsters

So I know that I said I wasn't going to post everyday but I just needed to get this out or down or whatever. We all know the big "C" word that no one likes to talk about--cancer. My dad is being treated for cancer for the third time in three years. I hate it!!! If cancer were a bug, it's safe to say that I would torture it for all the torture it has caused my dad and my family. I can't even imagine what my dad goes through on a daily basis but just seeing him and the toll it takes on him, my mom, and the rest of my family makes me want to scream my brains out. The worst part is knowing that there is nothing you can do, no way to make it better. I spoke to my dad today and could hear the pain and tiredness in his voice. He's had surgery, chemotherapy, radiation, and is undergoing chemotherapy again. I'm not going to ask why this has happened because I will never get an answer. I wish that I could talk to someone about my dad and about the stress and pressure and sadness that I'm going through but the funny thing about cancer is that no one really understands unless they've been through the same ordeal. And when you meet that person you feel guilty about complaining about your life when others have it the same or worse than you. It's kind of like a vicious cycle. I've had more days than I can count where I don't want to get out of bed because nothing has changed from the day before and if I stay in my warm soft blankets like a little kid, the monsters will all go away. Of course that never happens but it's nice to think about....

Inside My Chaos

So i decided to do the "cool" thing and make a blog...well here it is. I've seen other people do this and wondered why anyone would waste their time on it. What is a blog but an online journal where people find enjoyment in informing others about every minute, hour, and day of their lives? Of course I wanted to get in on that...yeah... The real reason I started this blog was so that I had someplace to write down all the crap that I can't tell anybody about. Of course people will (or won't) see it here but at least I won't have to deal with someone lecturing me or judging me or trying to give me advice when all I really want is to say it and be done. I'm not going to be one of those people who updates their blog every day because I know no one really cares what I'm doing on a Thursday at 12:41 p.m. This is strictly for me and my chaos. Read it if you want or don't...I'm sure it's more than boring.